I’m kind of a scaredy cat.
Seriously, I’m that person that you hate to sit next to at movies, because I’m always jumping at loud noises. I also have to close my eyes during crucial scenes because I can’t handle the anticipation. Over the years, I have developed several unique fears that I would like to share with you.
Oh gross. I’m so sorry that I made you look at that. It makes me want to vomit.
I am a Resident Assistant, and as part of the job, I get to work at the Welcome Desk in the lobby. I was at the desk tonight, when a girl comes screaming, “There’s a bat on the hall!” So I had to go investigate, and found that there truly had been a bat flying down the hall. Unfortunately, everyone ran away from the bat, and didn’t know where it was.
So, we had a hidden bat in the building. Luckily, we (with the help of Campus Safety) were able to move the bat to a better location outside.
But it made me realize that I loathe bats.
9. Shoe Shopping
Yes, I am a girl. And yes, I do fear and hate shoe shopping.
I think this tragedy stems from my incredibly wide feet. It’s always been challenging finding shoes that fit me, and it’s developed into one of my greatest fears.
8. Being locked in a burning building
Of all of my fears, I think that this is the most self-explanatory.
7. Accepting the fact that Abraham Lincoln is dead
It still hasn’t hit me that the man of my dreams is no longer alive. Hopefully I can remain in denial, but I always fear the day that I’ll truly realize it.
6. Not finding a job and having to empty Porta-Potties for a living.
I am currently trying to find a job. I’m starting to apply for Residence Hall Director jobs, but they are very competitive, and I have absolutely no back up plan.
So if I don’t get an RD job, I just know I’m going to be forced to empty Porta-Potties. And that’s simply the worst job imaginable.
5. Having my neck touched
AHHHHHHHHHHH. Don’t touch my neck. I’ll freak out.
4. Being locked in a box for the rest of my life and forced to listen to Veggie Tales constantly
Can you imagine anything worse? It would be the most horrible thing EVER. Sure, the music is fun, but it gets old after about an hour. The thought of spending my LIFE listening to it is horrific.
Gross. Just gross. I would love to have kids some day, but I refuse to have a placenta. It’s like a gross, slimy g00-monster.
I’m saying it again, that’s how much it freaks me out.
1. Immaculately Conceiving the Anti-Christ
This fear has several components. Let me condense:
- Immaculate Conception: The Virgin Mary was made pregnant by the Holy Spirit. God did it once, he could do it again. And NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE YOU! They’d be like, “Oh, sure, Molly.” And only I would know the truth
- The Anti-Christ: Immaculate conception is not cool, but if you immaculately conceived the adversary of Christ…it would be bad. Just really, really bad.
- Plus, there would probably be a placenta involved. Which makes it worse.
Oh, and this is me putting my LIFE on the line. Now you know how to scare me. Please, please don’t do this to me, ever.