I promise, this is going to be my last ‘historical’ list for a long time. But my good friend Rachel suggested the topic, and it was too good to pass up.
So here it is: the top ten historical events I wish I could have witnessed.*
10. Battle of Waterloo
The Battle of Waterloo was the culminating battle of the Waterloo Campaign (I just plagiarized this sentence from Wikipedia). It was also Napoleon’s last battle, and put an end to his rule as emperor of France.
You might be thinking to yourself, “Well, this is boring.” But Waterloo made the list because of one of the reasons that Napoleon lost the battle. It is rumored that he could not communicate with his troops or survey the battlefield because he could not mount his horse. And why is that? A severe case of hemorrhoids. They don’t teach you THAT in history class.
9. The Fall of the Berlin Wall
On November 9, 1989, the East German government announced that all citizens could visit West Germany and West Berlin. Huge crowds of people climbed onto the wall to celebrate, and began chipping away at parts of the wall. The people then went home and sold the pieces of the wall on ebay.
But the best part of the Fall of the Berlin Wall? DAVID HASSELHOFF. He performed the song “Looking for Freedom” on the wall, and became a huge celebrity in Germany. You should definitely watch the video.
8. The Exodus
The Exodus was the departure of the Israelites from Egypt, where they were enslaved by the Egyptians. You can watch live footage of the event here.
Wouldn’t it have been INCREDIBLE to see the power of God displayed in such a tangible way? You have plagues, the parting of the Red Sea, and God’s love for His people on display. I’m fairly certain that Dreamworks Animation couldn’t ever do it justice.
7. The Russian Revolution
The only reason that this is on the list is because I used to have an unhealthy obsession with the movie Anastasia. I was fairly certain that if Anastasia and Dmitri didn’t work out, he and I would fall madly in love. And in reality…it didn’t work out between the two of them.
Why? Because the real Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna of Russia was murdered, along with her family, on July 17, 1918, by the Bolshevik secret police. And that makes a lousy animated movie.
However, there has always been some dispute on what happened to Anastasia. Her remains were not found with those of her family, so it was rumored that the bullets reflected off of the jewels sewn into her skirts, and she actually survived the massacre. Several women came forth, pretending to be the Grand Duchess. Unfortunately, the charred remains of the real Anastasia were found in 2007. There’s no happily ever after happening here.
6. Meatless Monday
Meatless Monday takes place every Monday in the cafeteria on campus. And it is always bad. I wish I could have witnessed this so that I COULD KNOW WHO TO BLAME FOR THIS ATROCITY. I never even knew that some of this food existed.
5. Woodstock Festival
It was a music festival held on a dairy farm in Bethel, New York in 1969. 32 acts performed outdoors for an audience of over 500,000 people. And it was crazy.
The festival was considered to be relatively peaceful, but 2 people did die at Woodstock. The first was a heroin overdose, but the second person was sleeping in a field when they were run over by a tractor. How tragic.
4. The Boston Molasses Disaster
The disaster took place in 1919, on the north side of Boston. A huge molasses tank burst, and a wave of molasses ran through the street at 35 mph. 21 people were killed, and 150 were severely injured. Many of the dead could not be identified, because they were entirely covered in sticky molasses.
Residents of Boston still claim that they can smell molasses on hot days.
3. The Battle of Antietam
I’ve been to the battlefield about 10 million times, so I almost have witnessed the actual event. I’ve at least seen some reenactors doing their best.
Now that I’m writing this, I’m realizing that I don’t really want to witness this. It was really bloody and scary.
2. The Boston Tea Party
The tea party was not actually a tea party. I know, you’re devastated. I am, too. Let me go take off my fancy tea-party dress.
Okay, I’m back. But you know it’s true, those Sons of Liberty were hunky men, who were willing to dress up like Indians and take a stand against the tyrannical British government!!!!!! I’m getting all fired up right now! Booya, Britain!
1. The Defenestration of Prague
This is by far the COOLEST event in the history of the entire world. There were actually two defenestrations that took place, but the second is the most well known, as it was the beginning of the 30 Years’ War.
If you don’t know, defenestration is the act of throwing someone or something out of a window. In this case, multiple someone’s were defenestrated. Apparently, two regents were thrown out of a third-story window. They survived by falling into a huge pile of manure. Isn’t that awesome?
*I wish I could have witnessed these events from a distance, in many cases. Blood is hard to get out of clothes, and it generally makes me nauseous.